Safe in My Arms
by Estelle Stafford
Summary: Four times Jim and Spock felt safe by their mother's touch, and a glimpse of the many times they would find what they needed in one another's touch.


**Author's Notes: **Still learning about this wonderful fandom, and this my first Star Trek Fanfiction, I know this is a very, very, special fandom and I am trying as hard as I can do it justice. Please feel free to give advice, and point out grammar errors, I am always looking to improve my writing. I am going to mention I do not mind people letting me know what the inconsistencies are to be informative and helpful, but those who read my whole story just to point out something that does not hurt or help the storyline just to be a pain, I really do not see the need for you to say anything. I do not like it when words are written to be hurtful and not helpful, such as flaming, please do not do that.

**ABOUT WINONA'S PROTRAYAL: **I was on the kink meme, and one of the prompts that caused a lot of arguments was over the character Winona, so I will address this to prepare everyone who has a set mind frame on what she should be like. I tried to portray Winona's character in a complex manner. I wanted to show she was in pain, but she was indeed neglectful of Jim, but she was trying to be a good mother. I like to point out in the movie, we are not given a lot of insight of Winona's character, it is logical to assume she was neglectful due to the car scene and Jim's behavior, but much still can be left to interruption. In the parts with **Jim and Spock,** I have written her differently then in the beginning, bare in mind this is because in 'Kiss' and 'Forever' it is at least a couple years after she and Jim reconciled.

**There are some deleted scenes at the end.**

**Initial Disclaimer:**

**I do not own Star Trek it was created by Gene Roddenberry, whom was a genius, and ST XI was scripted by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman and directed by J.J. Abrams. The Novelization by Alan Dean Foster. As to who actually owns the rights to Star Trek, I have no idea...**

**Warnings: **Nothing too dangerous, hints at sex, and maybe some cliché writing, some fluff and angst.

**Inspired By: **Safe in my arms by Plumb (If you not heard this song, the main idea of the song is you will be safe in this person's arms despite all the bad things in life.)

**Safe in My Arms**

**Written By: **_**Estelle Stafford **_

**Jim **

_James T. Kirk was a cuddlier—and every guy who teased him about it, ended up with some kind of broken body part-he did not really think of why he was, but that was just the way he is. He liked being wrapped in another's arms, it just made him feel...safe, even more so for a brief moment loved. One supposed if he thought about it, it had a lot to do with his mother. So many things, had to do with his father and his mother._

**Denial... **

Winona gave birth to James Tiberius Kirk on the U.S.S. Kelvin, he was another precious gift her husband left her. For awhile, it seemed all she did was focused on her sons. On nights, when Jimmy used his lungs to the maximum and stirred her awake, she made her way to the bassinet and took her son out. She would hold him as close as she could and he would become quiet at the warmth of his mother. She had been at ease in the dark, lonely, night with her little baby boy at complete peace.

She supposed...she had been in denial, because months later it seemed to hit her all at once. She had been on a walk with little Jimmy in a stroller, and Sammy riding on his bicycle, when an old acquaintance of hers smiled down at Jimmy. The smile had been tinted with sadness, "He looks like his father." Winona had heard it before, but it was the way her friend said it that made her world stop spinning.

"I...I...have to go," her friend had looked at her with confusion.

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, of course not," Winona put on a smile, _one_ she would fake for years to come. She returned home and it seemed as though, not a thing had changed until...

That night.

When her baby wailed, she locked herself in the bathroom and cried. Sammy had pounded on the door, yelling about how the baby would not shut up, but she had just ignored them. She been in way too much pain, as cruel as it had been, she did not hold James Tiberius Kirk that night, because he did look like his father and the man she loved so much would not be coming home, ever.

**Stay... **

James did everything he could. He tried damn hard to be the perfect son, he did well in school, helped at the house and farm-instead of playing with his friends-was extra polite to all of his aunts and uncles- who had said he looked like his father—He hated that—and he even tried his damnedest to be nice to all her boyfriends, but nothing...

Not a damn thing.

Made her want to stay with him. It did not take him long to figure out something been fucking wrong with him, but he did not knew what. He asked his brother who jokily agreed, but then told him that changing any of those things would not make mom happy, and he was just fine the way he was. For awhile...

He had believed Sam.

His big brother never lied to him, not ever. His brother protected him from all the assholes his mom brought home, by taking several punches and throwing several back. None of those men lasted long because-even at a young age-Sam threw a mean punch.

His mom had never said anything when she saw the bruises, just figured Sam was rough housing around with some bigger boys. She did not known what most of her boyfriends were like when she was not there. It had not been a surprise. She had not stuck around long enough to get to know her own kids, she probably did not know her boyfriends very well, besides their first names.

So Sam was the one that protected him. That was until Frank, of course. The man had not been quite like the others. He would not go away, no matter how many punches Sam threw. He barely even fought back; he just smiled and told Sam and him all the lies he would tell about them.

At first, Jim did not get why it was such a big deal for Frank to tell his mom lies. Until, he found out that she believed him. Frank had been good at spinning the stories and playing the caring boyfriend, so his mom had fallen for it every time. When she came home after hearing one of the tales about how they did this and that, it did not matter how many times he and Sam told her it was not true—she never believed them—she yelled and said awful things, painful even. It may not have made much sense, but whatever his mom said had always been worse than whatever Frank done.

So Jim started being nice to Frank, doing everything the man asked. He cleaned the house, raked the leaves, and helped him work on his dad's old car—which if he was honest, he had kind of liked. He had been the perfect boy as usual, and Frank had been actually somewhat tolerable to deal with.

It had not matter, because his brother Sam had been damn determined to get rid of the bastard, even after mom married him. He kept using his fists and whatever it took. Finally...it escalated into a huge fight between his mom and Sam. He told her that he hated her, and wished she had died instead of Dad. It gone on for awhile and Jim hid in his room for most of the night, curled on his bed; he tried to muffle the noise until the voices stopped. After a couple days his mom had left again, and things went back to normal. And then one day...

Sam just left.

He fucking left. The pain was worse than when he realized his mom was never going to stay, because Sam was the person Jim knew he could rely on to understand him, and to give damn about him. He trusted his big brother. All little Jimmy felt was the pain of betrayal; that pain turned into rage against THAT bastard Frank. The asshole took Sam away from him.

So he hopped into the beautiful car, and quickly remembered everything he learned about it. Turning on the ignition, he let it roar for a second, before he shifted into gear and took it for one hell of a ride. He drove it as fast as he could, and when Frank hollered, he pressed on the accelerator harder, because he just wanted to get wherever he was going, that much faster.

For a moment he felt free...

And when he had been about to run the goddamn car off the cliff... He considered maybe letting go, but then he thought that would have made Frank happy and damn if he was going to do that anymore. He jumped out of the car.

When the robotic police asked his name, he had said with pride, "James Tiberius Kirk," because what else, really did he have but himself, now?

Frank, 'surprise', 'surprise', had left him in the juvenile detention center for a couple days, but he remembered feeling complete shock when his mom had arrived, black bags under her eyes, to pick him up. They did not say a word on the shuttle ride home, and when they arrived in the safe confinement of their Iowa home, Jim expected her to yell at him-he would not have cared because he was still hurt-but she immediately wrapped her arms around him. Tears poured down her cheeks, "Damn it, Jimmy, why the hell you do that?" She adjusted herself so she could look at those baby blues of his. "Why baby?" Her voice was filled with sorrow, there was an awful expression of pain on her face, and he could not stand to see it.

"Sam is gone." he replied simply. He found after he had began crying, too. Lonely, he felt it for so long and he had been so mad...But for a little while, he felt like everything was okay. His mom's arms were soft, but they were strong, able to hold him where he was at and he felt safe.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." She said as she ran a hand through his hair.

And for awhile Jim believed her...

She got rid of Frank and tried to get Sam to come back, but he refused, he stayed at the academy in San Fransisco. Though, he missed his big brother, he would have been fine if his mom stayed, but...

She did not.

**Fight...**

There was not supposed be a fight. Jim mostly kept out of trouble, because he did not bother anyone, because knew trusting people was a waste of time. He was one of the smartest kids in class, so he was teased, but he let most of that slide because he had heard all the same crap from a string of his mom's bad boyfriends. However, that Jerk stung him right where it hurt, "Your mother doesn't even want you."

Jim threw the first punch.

It was in the middle of the schoolyard, and what he done, gave him a one way ticket to being expelled. He did not care when the crowd of students surrounded him, when they chanted at both fighters, or when three more boys joined.

He was fucking mad, beyond mad. He hated the whole goddamn world at the moment. He hated: his mother who was always gone, Sam, who left, his father, who died, and **himself**. He would have released a whole cage full of hate on all of those stupid idiots, if he had to. He took all of them on. He had not given a fuck.

He swung recklessly, that was his first fight. He did not known how bad it hurt, and he was grateful for it. The pain surrounded him, took him away from his inner turmoil.

His mom arrived, when he gotten the hypo from the school nurse. She actually looked frightened, almost the same as the day when he took that gorgeous car off the cliff. She did not hesitant, when she ran over to him to put her arms around him.

Jim stiffened.

He hated her for making him feel that way, after all those years he still felt safe in her arms. It did not made sense, he hated her, he HATED her, he hated he loved her. He vowed he would never let her hold him, ever again. Never ever, would he believe the lies when she says she is sorry, and everything will be okay. Never again. It mattered little when she quit Starfleet and got a local job, came home everyday, she stopped bringing losers home, that she was trying, it had in his mind been too **fucking** late. After that, when she tried to hug him, he retreated to his room or took off.

**Forgive...**

After the Narada incident, Jim was feeling overwhelmed, he was officially being given the Enterprise, the finest ship in the fleet. He was going to be the captain, he knew how young he was, he was also aware of how much knowledge he was really lacking by not going through the proper ranks. He did not want to fuck this up... but was not sure if it was possible for him not to. He can console himself a little bit, that at least Spock was joining him at. Yet...with all that happened between the two of them, he was not sure if they were able to get over it, because he insulted the Vulcan's dead mother. That was...

_his mother_...

That is why he was here, Spock had lost his mother, and if he had not done what he did he would have lost his.

He stepped on the doorstep of his old house and waited until the door was open to reveal his mother. She stopped in the doorway, "_Jimmy_..." Even though, the computer told her who it was, she still stared at him in disbelief. She did not expect him there. She already gone to his ceremony, but they did not really said much, she congratulated him and that had been it, he supposed expected him to leave it at that.

"Mom," he greeted, "I wanted to..." _What did he come here to say, what did he come here to do?_ _She might have died,_ he reminded himself. _He might have died._ "Ah hell," He threw his arms around her, surprising her quite a bit.

"James?"

"You know, I'm still angry, I think I'll be angry for a long time, you were rarely there. I hated you for that and I hated Dad for dying, because he took you, too."

"Jimmy, honey I...," He felt something falling down his cheeks, damn it he was James T. Kirk, he did not cry. She gently patted his back.

"And I hated myself for feeling that way and I hated that I love you. But I'm tired, I'm so tired of hating you, of hating myself, and my first officer lost his mother and it got me to thinking I could have lost you. I could have lost you and as mad as I am at you, I just...I don't know what would have happened if you died."

Suddenly, he felt tears coming from somewhere else, "I'm so sorry, baby, I was lousy mother." He did not argue with that, it was true. She reached for his face, and gazed into his blue eyes, "But I did love you, always have and always will. I'm so proud of you, you saved the world, you have saved me. You know..." She ran a hand through his hair, "I finally bought one of those fancy coffee replicators. I was hoping you could help me figure it out."

He grinned, "Sure mom." She led the way into the house.

"How are long you staying?" They sat on the comfortable old white couch.

"Just until tomorrow, I got stuff to finish up at the academy but I'll be back after that, before I leave to go back on the Enterprise."

"Your father would have been so proud, no...that isn't quite right," She smiled, "He would have been proud, but jealous too. Everybody was talking about that ship, years before it was built." And the conversation from there goes way uphill, and when they hugged goodbye, Jim thought, maybe just, maybe it is okay to feel safe in her arms, again.

_It was only natural for a son to felt safe in his mother's arms. Or a man to felt everything was okay as long as his lover kept him tight in his or her embrace. Though, Jim never thought that lover could have been..._

_**Spock **_

_It was illogical to thought you could ever were safe in someone's arms or by their touch and yet he supposed due to his human half—his weaker side—he always felt that way, when his mother touched him. It had been a rarity for her to indulge in her need to reach out and touch him, for his mother knew he was Vulcan and tried to treat him as such, but she also knew he was human...So from time to time she felt the need to do what a human mother would do, she made him feel safe by her comforting touch. _

**1. Illogical**

He recalled the first time he was teased. His studies were initially just beginning, and his controls of his emotions were still rather weak. That day, he ran home, just in a hurry to get away from the pain he felt deep within him. It took everything he had not to cry out or yell, he knew what he felt was not logical, but it was there. His mother was reading up some things related to her old world—it seemed she had missed it, despite her choice of being on Vulcan—she stopped immediately when she saw him.

"Spock what's wrong?" she asked and held out her arms, he knew it was illogical... but there was something safe about his mother's embrace, so he ran to her.

"I do not understand the logic behind it," he confessed.

"The logic behind what dear?" she asked as she clung tighter to him.

"Why do they say 'half-blood' with such disdain and why do they wish to illicit a negative response from me. It is all illogical."

She sighed, "I hoped here that such things would not happen. You are right. It is not logical, it is not logical here or on Earth, but it happens. Oh Spock I...," tears poured down from her cheeks, "I'm sorry I'm getting all emotional on you." She pulled herself up and had let him go, when she wiped her tears away.

"It is not logical for you to be upset. The altercation did not happen to you mother." His head tilted slightly, he gazed curiously at her.

"I don't know if you'll ever understand, but what hurts you, hurts me."

"Mother..." he hesitated to say anything that would hurt her, "I am not hurt, there are no wounds on me, and a wound that is inflicted on me can not hurt you unless it was inflicted on you. I just feel my peers are illogical..."

"Yes, Spock they are," She replied, as she realized he tried to reassure her in his own way. She smiled.

"Mother,"

"Yes,"

"I would request that father is not made aware of my emotional display."

"Of course not," she covered her lips with one finger and smiled.

**2. Predicament**

His father told him he would be forever a child of two worlds, and the marriage to his mother was logical. He still yet to control the emotions that stirred around him from the altercation he entered into with the other Vulcan boys. However, this remark had brought forth another illogical emotion, sorrow—but not for him—for his mother. Vulcans did not need love but a human...

Did.

Desperately, he came to this conclusion from the dozen of stories his mother shared with him about humans. The thing he remembered most-besides them being irrational a lot- was they searched for love. They thrived on it, half their illogical behaviors derived from it. Children did not grow up into proper _human _adults without it, and adults did not survive long without it either. If his father did not love his mother than she had undoubtedly suffered emotional turmoil along with living on Vulcan where there did not been other humans to aid in her suffering. He had not know his father had lied because Vulcans did not lie. And even if he been aware he was under the assumption it had not stopped the illogical emotions inside of him.

His mother came into his room, "Spock, are you well?"

"Yes mother, I am well."

"Are you sure?" She reached out for his cheek; it was all he allowed those days. It was the closest she got to holding him.

"I have answered your question."

"I know, but Spock...I know that many people think your father was a traitor, but it is illogical for them to do so because..."

"If you tell me he loves you, then I will be dissatisfied because that would prove the accusations true. If you tell me he does not, I will be dissatisfied, because I find that it is illogical to me to ever see your disposition in a state of sadness. I have deducted humans feel this way when they are unable to obtain love. I have therefore decided the logical solution is for you to verbalize nothing on this issue."

She sighed and put her other hand on his cheek and looked into his brown eyes. She told him, "I understand Spock, but you don't need to worry, I could never be sad as long as I have you."

**3. Customary**

He made a life altering decision when there was not supposed to be a choice. It was only logical he go to the Vulcan Science Academy if he were accepted. Starfleet was a backup. That was all.

However.

A member of the Vulcan Council had said his mother was an obstacle, as illogical as his displeasure had been, he would not tolerate-not even from a member so high in Vulcan society—anyone, insulting his mother in such a manner. He looked up at his father, he had come to the conclusion his father would not love his mother, but he did. So he had declined the admittance to the academy and told the Vulcan Council to "live long and prosper," but the meaning was equivalent to a "Fuck you," and left.

Spock decided to take the first shuttle off of Vulcan, after his father's disapproval and his parents had another dispute about him.

He had only one compact suitcase of 5.4 inches in length, 7.6 inches in width, and 3.5 inches in thickness. The tiny case compressed the minimum of clothes he needed (and many his mother had thrown in) He headed toward the shuttle, but before he left, he stopped to converse with his mother, to say: _goodbye_, "It will be a long time before you see me." A liquid substance was falling out of his mother's eyes, tears. He only seen them on a rare occasion and for a human at such a time, it was unavoidable. She would miss him, he knew this, and as illogical it was to felt emotions. He would miss her, too. "I know." Her voice was hoarse and she held her hand up in the typical salute.

"In this particular instance," His mother looked slightly confused, her eyes widened slightly, "I will not be adverse to letting you hug me goodbye, which I believe is customary for humans." She was overjoyed. He felt it radiate through her, but he also felt a sadness seep underneath as she quickly wrapped her arms around him. He recalled a human word for such a feeling: bittersweet. And he found he is grateful for that _bittersweet_ moment between him and his mother. He held onto it in a way he could never hold her.

**4. Unfeasible**

His mother had managed to escape her duties of being the ambassador's wife, and came to visit him for the first time, since he left Vulcan. She sat down on his bed in his dorm room with a cup of tea in hand-she managed to temporarily acquire from the mess hall. He also drank tea, while he sat in the chair at his desk.

"I heard you been working on the Kobayashi Maru." She sipped the tea calmly.

"Indeed, I am."

"And what exactly does this test entail?"

"It is a simulation to observe how one would as Capitan face fear and what can be achieved when surviving is no longer an option, a no-win scenario."

"Spock?" She reached out for his face, and as always he allowed the gesture of affection from her, "Do you truly believe you can create a test that nobody can beat? What will you do when somebody proves to you it is possible to win a no-win-scenario?"

He raised a brow, "That mother would be contradictory to the mere fact of it being a no-win-scenario and therefore making the situation void as a no-win-scenario."

"And perhaps then, you will realize maybe there is no such thing as a no-win-scenario. I hope somebody will beat your test and prove to you that the unachievable can be achieved." She let go of his face, and gone back to drinking her tea.

"That mother which you speak of is a human concept, for which is completely illogical."

"I hope someday more than anything that you find there is logic in the illogical, that sometimes hoping is all we can do to survive. That striving to do the impossible is not such a lost cause. That perhaps winning is as simple as looking at something with a little less logic and a little more irrationality."

_Many of the memories of his mother lingered on and he wondered foolishly what he would had did if he knew that was the last time they would share a cup of tea together. It is completely illogical, the love he felt for his mother, and the safety he felt just by a touch. But that does not comfort him in his sorrow as he knew she will never hold him again or caress his cheek. He concluded he will never again feel safe in another's arms. Once again, as with in many things..._

_James T. Kirk proved him wrong and granted his mother's wish. _

_**Jim and Spock**_

_If either Spock or Jim was told they would fall in love someday after their first meeting..._

_Jim would have said there is no way in hell he would ever fall in love with that pointy eared bastard. He did not see even a friendship conspiring between them, and he told Spock Prime so, and when Jim returned the ship, the first thing he did was piss off Spock. Of course, somehow despite the initial animosity, they had saved the Earth together. And after that Jim had not even asked for another first officer. _

_Spock would have point out the illogicalness of such a situation; and the probability of such of an occurrence was less then .000001 percent. Of course, when the elder Spock had told him of a friendship that defined him and Jim both...He ended up on the Enterprise, despite it not being the most logical decision._

_It seemed impossible to either them, yet both had left the doors open for such an event to occur. It seemed that maybe...both had hoped, despite the impossibility. _

_**Comfort...**_

The funeral Spock found himself at was organized by humans. He stood in front of the empty casket, along with Jim by his side and his father at his other. All of the senior crew members were in attendance, along with several ensigns who respected Spock.

The whole ceremony was illogical, and full of emotions, several members of the Grayson family were in tears. His mind was still in turmoil from the lost, of the woman who gave him birth, and he had not noticed the man who was approaching him, nor his father, "She was your mother," the man growled throwing a fist at Spock, whom easily could have dodged it, but instead found it block by his Captain. He felt a comforting hand on his shoulder, though had not realized it was such.

"I know you're hurting," Jim tried to be somewhat considerate, "but if you ever lay another hand on my first officer. I will have to break it." His father watched with curiosity, but most likely has deemed there is no course of action he needed to take.

The man put his fist down and was taken away by his daughter-who was quite insistent they go-he mumbled something about heartless Vulcans, but Spock was the only one that heard it.

"Hey," Jim faced him putting another hand on the opposite shoulder he does not find it too bothersome. "Humans are illogical. They sometimes say things they don't mean. That guy...he doesn't know what he is talking about, I know you loved her, and I'm sorry if you ever believed I didn't."

In an instant, he inferred that Jim expressed his regret for the incident on the bridge, "It is unnecessary to apologize for something you deemed the only course of action." His father was still watched, and there was something in his eyes, that Spock could not identify.

"None the less, consider it a human thing you have to indulge. I would appreciate your forgiveness."

"As there is nothing to forgive, I find this unnecessary, but I will state that you are forgiven."

"Thank you." Jim grinned and finally took his hands off of him.

_**Security...**_

It was merely an opportunity to research some plants that could possibly grow on New Vulcan. Nothing should have gone wrong; however, when it comes to the Enterprise Spock has found the odds of something going against normal expectations, are always high.

When a plant of a new species on the planet sprays out some kind of pollen, he suddenly felt as though his limbs could no longer function. He began to fall...but he found he never hit the ground, he was instead held up by James T. Kirk.

The Captain then proceeded to guide him back to the ship for medical treatment. One arm was at Spock's waist, while the other arm held his first officer's arm around his shoulder and did not let go.

After several hours of researching a cure and many "Goddammits, bloody hobgoblin, and dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a clock," later. Spock felt all functions returned. Jim was by his bed and has quickly, awoken from sleeping all night and wrapped an arm around his first officer again, "Maybe you shouldn't sit up."

"He's fine, Jim. Quit looking for excuses to feel him up." Bones stated while reading his tri-corder, "You think it would be logical to avoid unrecognizable plants."

Spock looked up at him. "Fascinating, that you would make that assumption, doctor, as it is quite opposite, to avoid any new life would be evading opportunities of aiding life; many new plants are discovered to help in many fields, such as medicine, for instances."

"Bloody hobgoblin, I'm not in a mood to argue. I'm going to get a drink." The doctor vanished to do so.

Jim released his hold on Spock and the Vulcan found an irrational desire for it to linger; _however_ there was not much disappointment as he saw the Captain smile, "You will always have time to prove Bones wrong, no matter how injured you are."

"I must always attempt to correct one's misconceptions in order to avoid flawed decisions."

"Yeah right, you just like getting a rise out of him," Kirk chuckled slightly.

Spock had that gleam in his eyes the one that clearly showed amusement, "I do not know what you speak of, Captain." It earned him a roar of laughter that gave him a similar pleasing feeling as when Jim had his arm around him.

"We both know that _you_ know exactly what I'm talking about." His smile faltered as his mind returned to his concerns, "I'm glad you're okay. I was really worried."

"I apologize..." Spock started, but is stopped by a hand grabbing onto his wrist, no doubt the Captain was aware of the sensitivity of a Vulcan's hand. Spock tilted his head and raised a brow in confusion.

"Don't..." Jim began, "Don't apologize, you are my first officer and my...friend. I will worry about you, okay. I'm human that is what I do." Kirk released his wrist.

"I see, but I do not like to be the cause of your discomfort and..."

"I don't care! I'm going to worry regardless, and apologizing for something that is not your fault is illogical."

"I see, that this is another human behavior that I will not understand."

"I guess not." Jim grinned and for a moment they just stay there in complete silence, not a word was said. Spock found he was content with the way things were...only for awhile.

_**Kiss...**_

There was a shore leave with Jim's mom, where she thought Spock was his boyfriend, which was not exactly as insane as it first sounded when his mother explained to him why. She mainly assumed because he brought Spock with him that they _had_ to be 'lovers', because he had 'never' just had a friend over. Then she said there are all the rumors in the gossip mill about Starfleet, one of them was that he and Spock were married with a baby on the way. She did not believe that one, but rumors started from somewhere, and of course there are the transmissions: whenever they are from shore leave, Spock was with him. She apologized profusely to Spock, but instead of just accepting his mom's apology he turned to Jim.

"Seeing as other attempts have failed, I will simply say I would not object to it if your mother's assumption were true." Jim was completely floored, and for a moment...did not register anything until he felt Spock put his fingers against his. "This is a Vulcan kiss." Once, he regained his composure, Jim wrapped his arm around Spock's neck.

"This is how a human kisses," And he caressed Spock's lips with his, lust and urgency overwhelmed him, because he wanted this for almost a year now, but never had the courage. His arms slightly tightened their grip on Spock's waist, bringing them closer as his tongue dipped into his first officer's hot mouth. Their bodies were grinding together, and arousal was rising in them and...

"Uh mmm," He heard his mother interrupted them, and both men found they were trying to regain their breaths from a moment that left them utterly breathless. Jim still has not let go of his first officer, whom he intended to make his lover, **soon**. "I'm glad everything has worked out honey, but... though, there really is nobody here...I feel that this kind of behavior is more appropriate for the bedroom, _dear_ and not the view of your mother."

Jim's face turned bright red, "Sorry," he mumbled as he finally let Spock go, who was also blushing but in green, "I just got caught up in the moment."

"So that is what a blushing Vulcan looks like?" Winona noted staring right at Spock with a smile, "Fascinating."

"Mooother...," Jim groaned but there was a wide grin on his face, "Are you going to invite us in inside."

She laughed, "Yeah, come in."

_**Lover...**_

It is in the morning after lovemaking and Jim was underneath the sheets with his arms around his lover. He felt content against the heated skin of the half-Vulcan, and for a brief moment he had no worries. He thought how wonderful everything was at the moment, how amazing it was they went from enemies to the best fleet command in Starfleet to friends to...

Jim's insecurities always kind of popped out of nowhere fast. When Spock's brown eyes looked at him, before he really deciphered what the look meant, he just assumed Spock did not like to cuddle and quickly removed his arms away from him. Jim tried to ignore whatever distressing feelings there were inside him and smiled charmingly as possible, but is not sure how he was supposed to act in the morning after sex with a Vulcan, because he had no clue what is considered logical to do after sex. He greeted, "Hey baby," and cringed, because Spock might think he was comparing him to an infant or something. "Sorry, I..." He rubbed the back of his head.

"I am well aware that calling me 'baby' is an endearment and not a reference to me being a helpless infant."

"Oh, so you don't mind."

"I'm not adverse to it," green tinted his cheeks, "However, I object to the current position of your arms, as I was pleased with their former placement."

Jim smiled, whatever fears stirred up, disappeared, "No need to be embarrassed, Spock not after last night." He quickly indulged in Spock's request, very happy to oblige, "I love to cuddle, just don't tell anyone okay." He leaned his head on his lover's shoulder. It could not get any better than this, Spock was the one being he could rely on for anything, the one who he truly believed will never let him down. Spock was..."God, I think I may have found perfection."

"It is illogical, but I find I cannot disagree."

_**Forever...**_

The first five year mission was over and all of the crew members have respectively retreated home for the extended leave, which was six months before the next assignment.

Kirk and Spock have retreated to San Francisco to help Winona prepare for their wedding—well actually she, and Nyota were planning the wedding-Jim and Spock were just there to say yes or hell no, no way (well, Jim anyway). Spock and Jim were already technically married (bonded) in Vulcan terms for about 2 and half years. However, Winona had insisted they had an Earth wedding, now that she had finally got a hold of them for enough time to do so. Even though, Jim and Spock were content without the spectacle, Winona used the infamous Kirk pout-that has often caused Spock to indulge on more than one occasion in his lover's desires despite the repercussions, so they both had caved.

Then Winona made fast work of hiring decorators, caters, and a band. The location for her was a bit of a challenge, and that was when reinforcements were called: Nyota Uhura.

She immediately had flew down, inevitability she dragged her boyfriend of now one year and Jim's best friend, Dr. McCoy, along. He voiced his concerns immediately:

"Should of known better, that I somehow get dragged in this mess; damn it, you hob-goblin, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a wedding planner and goddamn me for falling in love with this crazy woman in the first place."

It had, as always served as vast entertainment for both of the lovers and Spock as usual added his remarks to the doctor's grumbles:

"Fascinating, I find it is illogical to refer to a wedding as a mess, as a mess is a word in reference to disorganization and misplaced items." This particular comment had earned humorous looks from his lover and his friend: Jim was almost laughing, and McCoy wore one of his scowls of disbelief.

"Spock, baby," Jim began and this earned another kind of scowl from the man affectionately known as Bones as if to say: _Baby, really, still? Jim, how many damn times do I have to tell you he is a Vulcan?_ Kirk just ignored his friend, "Have you ever been to an Earth wedding?"

Spock tilted his head in confusion, the tone of amusement in his lover's voice indicated that he had made an error in his assessment, "No, I have not had the opportunity, but I believe it requires a lot of planning which does not insinuate a mess."

"Typically no, but baby, believe me..." Jim chuckled, because Spock really was naive sometimes, it was kind of adorable. "A wedding is nothing but a complete disaster."

"I must at this point disagree, but I shall see in 4 months and 13 days."

Jim grinned as he did often in Spock's presences, which often brought a silent twitch of Spock's lips or a twinkle in his eye. "You will, probably sooner."

After Nyota and McCoy's arrival, it had took approximately six weeks to decide that getting married at Starfleet academy would be perfect. Though, Jim had kind of liked the idea because that was where his new life had began and what had lead him to Spock, neither were pleased with the potential press circus that was sure to follow and it sure did not help that, Admiral Pike, Admiral Nogura, and Komack were all content with using this as an opportunity to get positive press for Starfleet. It took much fighting, but eventually everyone agreed that none of the press would be allowed to the actual event and the couple agreed to a small interview, afterwards.

Today...

However, _at the moment, _was free of complete chaos and wedding decisions. It was a nice sunny afternoon, which the lovers were more than pleased to stay in all day, enjoying each other. Jim sat on his bondmate's lap, his legs took a decent amount of space on their brown leather couch, his back was leaned on the strength of the Vulcan arms that were wrapped around him. He was currently watching T.V.-not really caring what was on-just enjoying the moment.

"You know I don't think it could possibly get better than this, but I would not be _adverse_ to it if it did," Jim stated with a mile wide grin gazing up at his lover.

"I am also not adverse to it. Though, I must admit that I believe one improvement would be the ending of this ritual known as a wedding. I no longer find the event fascinating."

Kirk chuckled, and leaned up to kiss Spock. It was a quick, but none the less enjoyable kiss. It was one he bestowed upon Spock whenever he thought he was being what he fondly deemed as 'cute.' Though, his lover had pointed out more than once that Vulcans could not and would never be 'cute.' Jim would always smile even more and add but you are half-human. "I see you finally understand what me and Bones were talking about."

"I must reluctantly admit that the doctor for once was correct." Jim laughed once more.

"It would be the one time, we both like for him to be wrong. Ugh...," He moaned slightly as he realized something, causing Spock to tilt his head in confusion, "Mom, wants us to meet with her in a couple hours to go over who the hell is coming and who is not. I don't know how many times I have to tell her, close family and friends ONLY. She is determined to show us off and the whole damn of Starfleet wants to come!"

"I find that displeasing."

"No joke."

"I had desired to spend the next 12.3 hours becoming more acquainted with the bed. Between the plans for this chaotic event of many illogical traditions, the three times I had to went to Vulcan to assist, and the occurrence of us returning to the academy to aid in recruiting as well as training cadets. We have not been able to give the bed a proper 'breaking in' I recall the term being." Spock speak for: we have not have a lot of time together and I was really hoping to have lots of sex in our new bed.

"Oh when you put it like 'that'," Jim licked his lips, "My l_ovely_ mother who I _love_ with all my HEART is just going have to _FUCKING_ wait her turn." He jumped out of his bondmate's arms, only causing a moment of discomfort as he headed up the stairs. He winked, "We cannot let our poor bed go without a proper 'breaking in', let's go."

"I would point out a bed is an item and cannot be poor, but I find that I am inclined to agree with you." He quickly followed Jim into the bedroom.

**Several Months later...**

The wedding is over and Dr. McCoy actually seemed to be the one who was most blissfully happy, because Spock could not disagree anymore about a wedding being nothing less than a mess, and he had the beautiful Nyota on his arm, who is rather content to be where she was at. Then again, maybe it was Winona who was grinning from ear to ear as she gushed about how proud she was and how she put together the wedding. Or perhaps... it was Sulu who was more than happy to tend to a somewhat drunk, but adorable Chekov who seemed rather content with singing random Russian songs out loud. Then again there was Scotty who found joy at the sight of the tons of fancy sandwiches that he could devour.

Really, though it was probably the twice now joined couple who had finally managed to escape the chaos to cuddle in the slightly chilled air. "Fuck, yeah it is all over and now all we got to do is endure a speech or two. Then it is off for the honeymoon for us. I'm looking forward to that, just one week of us in our home, everyone has promised to leave us completely _alone_. The best damn wedding present they could give us."

"I concur with that."

Jim reached out his hands for above "Though, I can't wait to be out among the stars again. I really like the way things are for now."

"Yes, it is rather pleasing to have an adequate amount of time together without the inconvenience a starship sometimes present, though I must confess to missing it as well."

"We'll be back on soon enough," He brought his hand back down to wrap his arm once more around his husband, "but as much as I'm looking forward to it...In the end it does not matter, if I get to spend at least almost everyday of forever having lots of sex."

"We do not have forever, Jim." Spock said, and most would think he was being unemotional, insensitive, but his words alone indicated that he was sad. He wanted forever, but he knew that Jim's life span would not even extend to meet his, let alone expand for forever.

Jim grabbed Spock's hands, entwining them, it was really intimate, almost _too_ intimate to do out in the open, but the Vulcan found that it was not illogical to indulge Jim on this occasion. The night hid the green tint in his face. "This is forever, Spock no matter how short it may seem chronological." He leaned down and kissed Spock's fingers, "This is ours."

"I believe I may understand." And he did. Their lives may be short, but it was their life together, and it would always be theirs. It was purely a human concept, but Spock thought perhaps he could allow himself to think in such a manner, for Jim at least, for Jim there was always a chance at forever.

"Hey guys," Nyota just came from inside the academy main hall, and was standing behind them in a brown, yellow, dress with African patterns, "I hate to ruin your moment," She smiled looking down at the two newlyweds with their hands entwined, Spock quickly removed his from Jim's, "but you guys should come in. Leonard is about to toast, and he would be really pissed if you missed it _Jim_, especially since you made him do it."

"Yeah, well I guess I better make sure he doesn't say anything too embarrassing," Jim smiled at Spock and took his hand, once more, when Nyota started heading back, "And I'm not enduring this torture alone, so come on." Spock did not say anything, he just simply followed Jim.

_**One may not understand how you could possibly feel completely safe in another's arms, but you cannot deny it, no matter how logical or illogical it is. **_

Author's Commentary:

**Randomness:  
**Did you know that in the series Spock's Pon Farr did not occur until he was 30 something, but in the movies Leonard Nimoy had it occurring when Spock was only 14. That causes problems in the new movie, cause Spock is either probably a few years away from his first Pon Farr or has had couple and would be bonded with someone else by now, but considering he is or was in a relationship with Nyota, would it mean for the movie universe it would not occur until he is 30 something?

The last section took freaking 2 hours or more to write, goddamn it, and I could not stop once I started it, the section was originally 5 pages before I deleted parts of it, and there are more snippets of Jim and Spock then there was of them with their mothers'...

I kind of ignore the whole Spock and Nyota thing, but it is because well I did snippets, and Jim and Spock do not get together for like a couple years after the first mission. I ignored Pon Farr too, which I totally should have thrown in their, but everybody does Pon Farr, and have plans to do it in other pieces, but yeah it originally was written to be mention, my idea is that they bonded before Spock's Pon Farr.

I wrote this and got almost to the end and realized that I had not once put the word fascinating in, coming from Spock's mouth, I had to go back, because I think it is an untold rule that Spock has to say fascinating at least once in most fanfictions. It was 4:30 in the morning.

**DELETED SCENES...(somewhat unedited)**

You know how you revise your story to make it flow better and sometimes you cut things out that you liked, or your like it took me forever to write that part. So that is why I have these scenes here...

This is the tail end of Spock, 4., after the discussion of Koyabashi Maru. It just did not fit and it was not the best writing, which I could have tweaked, but it was supposed to be like foreshadowing Kirk and Spock's relationship, but that was unnecessary:

**A mother's wish: **

"Now, time for something a little different. How are things between you and Nyota, has she stolen your heart yet?" She smiled, she had been teasing him as she picked up her cup of tea, again.

"I do not believe that Nyota would want to steal my heart." Amusement danced in his eyes.

"Oh, so you aren't in love then?" She knew her son had understood what the metaphor was, he knew a lot of human metaphors, people did not think he knew.

"She and I are compatible mother,"

"A mother wants more for her son than compatible, a mother wants to know that her son is loved."

"Love is illogical,"

"Do you deny loving me?"

"No, I could never be that cruel to you, mother, regardless of the illogicalness behind it."

"Then will you endeavor this one illogical thing for me? Will you love someone?"

"I will try," She smiled. Around the corner is a blue eyed blond hitting on some random girl, he does that often.

Nothing really wrong with it, I originally wrote it as extra when I notice most of the snippets for the Spock and Jim section where from Spock's point of view, but afterwards I decided this scene really was not necessary:

_**Understanding...**_

"I am glad your with coming me." Jim looks over to his first officer as they made their way to the shuttle station, "But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"Why do you assume I would," Spock tilted his head slightly, like he often does when he is being curious.

Jim sighed, "Because...your mother is dead and mine is alive."

"I see, I understand why you would be concern but to have bitter feelings because your is alive and mine is not is not logical."

Kirk shook his head, "I never would think that, but the thing is when I was little and sometimes even now when I see other sons with their fathers...doing things...I feel well...sad because I know I'm missing something."

"I believe it is only human to feel the way you do...Jim." The Capitan smiled at his first officer, "I am half-human." He added without going to further explanation, but Kirk knew what he was saying, he would probably be sad to see his mother embrace him, because he would always miss his own mother, just like Jim missed a man he never even knew. It was a bit depressing thought, yet Jim really did want to stop missing his father, but...

"It seems I have caused you distress..."

Jim growled, "Don't you fucking apologize."

Spock's amusement lingered and he gently touched him on the shoulder, it was a gesture of comfort equal to a hug. It was all Jim needed, because he grinned. "I would not attempt to do so, because it illogical always does the quite opposite of my intended purpose in speaking it."

Jim patted him on the back, "Thanks."

"I do not require such, as your comfort is important to me as a first officer, but more so as a friend." That grin just got wider.

**Forever...a lot of scenes were deleted from this, because it was really long, and almost too humorous in some parts.**

**Opening Line:**

Being together forever, seems like an illogical notion, but Spock finds that he will try. He will try to hold onto his T'hy'la forever.

**Part of the Kirks **

Once again this is too much focus on Spock, and probably too long of explanation as to why Winona now calls Spock one of her boys, besides I think most people would probably figure with Spock was bond to Kirk, that Winona would be thinking of him as her son:

Winona had barely managed to convince her boys to go through with the wedding.(Yes, Kirk's mother had taken to referring to Spock as one of her own, and he found to be rather pleased for several reasons. One of which had been, that as a mother Winona had done some things that brought memories of his mother which he found pleasing. Another had been because it seemed logical that the mother of his lover liked him, if to only avoid possible awkward tensions and future problems. Yet, there was one that had not been completely logical, he found he was not displeased of being considered as part of James' family, he just was fond of many things related to Jim.)

**Nyota**

Probably unnecessary to include these, but I liked these lines in reference to Nyota:

-and Jim noted that Bones had remained (by choice or not) blissfully unaware that the beautiful woman was also planning their wedding in her head

It should had occur to the pair of lovers that it was a manner of time before Nyota decided to throw herself in the plans, because she is Spock's best friend and she loves weddings.

**Winona and Pike Interrupt: **

Okay, so a lot got cut out of this scene, which is all about Kirk and Spock trying to have sex, but Winona and Admiral Pike interrupted them, I did love this, but I thought it was way too much humor for the tone of the story, So this occurs right after the part where Jim basically tells Spock his mother is just going to have to wait, because they needed to 'break in' their bed:

**A couple hours later...**

The computer was buzzing in about several transmissions, "Computer," Jim ordered laying in bed with his arms around his lover, they were both sprawled beneath the sheets. "Ignore all non-emergency calls for the next what...?" He looked over to Spock.

"9.8 hours." He replied.

"Ten hours," Jim finished his order.

**One hour later...**

"Capitan Jim and Commander Spock emergency transmission coming in from Admiral Pike." Jim had currently just manage to win his position over Spock.

"Damn it, allow it...," Spock flipped him over and quickly began to caress his chest with his tongue, "Uh through, put it on...aww... in the screen in the bedroom."

Christopher Pike was on the screen with his mother by his side, Jim and Spock both stopped, "MOOOOM!" He whined. "I'm in the middle of 'breaking in' our bed. It is really important."

"You promised me you be here in an two hours and I was worried, though Christopher reassured me there was nothing to worry about that you two could not get yourselves out of." She stated and her face turned stern, " Jim, you told me that time on Barbosa V, that nothing serious had happened, Christopher told me you were almost killed and Spock..." She gazed over at his lover who had moved off on top of him to lay by his side, "You said you had not been gravely injured on that mission to retrieve some rare planet, come to find out that you were seriously poisoned, boys you should not lie to me." Both men looked at Admiral Pike with some hint that they had just betrayed, Jim's expression was of course more telling than Spock's.

"Mom, I don't like to worry you, I..."

"Fascinating," Spock was having one his moments were he was currently was focusing only on one part of whatever event that was occurring that interested him. "I recall saying something quiet similar and you told me that it was essentially human and that you were going to worry, regardless of what I said."

"Spooock," He looked over with a mock glare, "Not helping," but he was chuckling. "Alright, mom I see I should have at least called and some of the stuff I did not share, because currently it was classified and when it wasn't I really did not want to bring up bad memories. Oh Spock, has a tendency to downplay his injuries to everyone, even me, he is not trying to lie. He just still hasn't learned that he is just important as everyone else."

"Oh," Winona seemed placate, "So are you coming now?"

"No," Jim replied, "We really haven't had much time alone, mom. You can have us tomorrow," and ended the transmission, "Computer, please ignore all calls, unless it is emergency call from Dr. McCoy."

"Fascinating, why the doctor?"

Jim grinned, "because Bones won't be interrupting us, unless it is a real emergency. The last thing he ever would want to do is see us having sex."

"Logical."

"Let's see where were we?" He flipped over on top of Spock, and so began the struggle once more, who would top who. They flipped over several times, before Jim began to nibble on Spock's ears, effectively earning a moan as well as his place on top, for awhile.

**Defending Mom's Honor**

Okay this scene was part of the above scene. I just really thought throwing in the pairing Pike and Winona was a little too much, and of course this was just really humorous, which I felt again was too much for the tone of the story. Here is Kirk defending mommy's honor...

after my meeting with Admiral Pike."

"What meeting?" Pike asked trying to recall.

"Oh a certain meeting about a certain someone," He looks pointedly at his mother.

"Jim, I'm over 50 now, you don't have to defend honor." Winona remarked, _so they are dating, Jim thought, great, at least Christopher isn't like his former step-dad, but talk about awkward. _

"I'm your son. I'll defend your honor whenever I feel like it. Spock and I will see you at lunch Admiral Pike, Kirk out." He cut off the transmission. "Computer, ignore all calls, except ones made by Dr. McCoy marked as urgent." Jim looked over at Spock, "He won't want to accidentally catch us during sex, so believe me he'll only bother us during an emergency."

Spock slightly smiled, "I find that I am rather amused at your need to inquiry Admiral Pike's intentions towards your mother, despite her age."

Jim leans back in his bed, "I'm curious to find that if you would have done something similar for your mother, if she had not been married to your father."

"It is logical to assume that I would have, if the circumstances deemed so."

"Okay, no more talk about mothers', kind of kills the mood you know. " He then ended the transmission and returned to what he was doing.


End file.
